surrender

God has such a unique way of getting my attention.He has done it yet again.:) tonight i was reminded of the things that i have been brought out of.things that i am ashamed of.things that hurt to think about or talk about.these "things" still have a tendency to linger in my life.they creep into my thoughts, they afflict me.but i have news for all of that garbage.i am free.so free.i catch myself laughing every day.i have always been a silly, outspoken person with a passion for people and for life.for a season, i lost that passion.so many pieces of me were chipped away that for so long i felt like i would never ever be the same.i put walls up and locked my heart away.some people have broken through them, but never without resistance.i am tired of it.anxiety, sadness, fear.that is not from God.and that is not sarah_noelle.i so desperately want people to see what goodness can be had.i want people to feel this jumping in my soul that causes me to dance.this outburst that makes me sing.i cannot be quiet.i cannot be still.He has freed me, friends, and there truly is no turning back.i do not feel guilty for what i have thought or felt.i am new.the only way i have been able to make it through this dark scary world is by the grace of God.He has put me in places i never would have tried to go.He has blessed me with people i could never deserve.He has given me joy i could not have earned.i am sarah_noelle and i am a mess.i think too much.i cry too much.i bruise easily and cannot handle hearing about the bad in the world.but He has cleaned me up and will never give up on me.i am dirty and yucky but He is so beautifully clean and pure.i cannot think about the magnitude of His love and not feel a rush of tears come to my ducts.if everyone knew this kind of love and peace, the world would be a much lovelier place.i go to sleep with peace.i approach each new day with excitement.i love.i dream.i smile, laugh, cry, and express my affections.all because of Him.there was a season when i did not have the strength to raise my arms.now there is nothing else that feels more natural.i surrender.every day.each moment.all the yuck.


<3 sarah_noelle