mommy, wow?

so here i am.man, i need to try to blog more often.makes me feel better.here i am as in supposedly grown up, big girl job and all.except i don't feel grown.what does that even mean?i still want to sit outside on a blanket and eat pb&j.i want to run around with jeans and a t-shirt and play with puppies or something.i do love my job, but sometimes i'm like hold up, they let me be this and do this?people have been more respectful and kind than i expected.the constant voice in the back of my head saying prove yourself does still ring loud, though.i have this fear of letting everyone down, by saying one thing or doing one thing that makes them all lose faith.but you know what is helpful?even liberating?the still quiet voice.it tells me that i get what i don't deserve because of a thing called grace.i fully believe i am here because of grace, and that grace will always be there for me.God made me the way i am and i trust Him.as long as i love and serve Him, he's got me.so maybe i'm technically supposed to be grown up, and maybe i kind of am, but i want to be a child at heart for as long as possible.i want to make an impact and care and love.i'm tired of hearing about thicker skin and jadedness.i will fight such things if it makes me apathetic.forever young.i want to be forever young...


And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:2-4 ESV)